Personal Journal

Day 5 – August 2, 2021

Day 5 – August 2, 2021 

Frank replied around one am central US time, using the term darling again. (my cheeks are sky high- I might break my face) I was sleeping. Strangely, I was tired before midnight and went to bed early. I woke at three having weird dreams about aliens altering my body. I checked the time on my phone and found his messages. I replied and put my headphones on to listen to music, hoping to go back to sleep. I also took my phone off Do Not Disturb, in case I got another message from him. 

My phone pinged at half-past five. I was still enjoying music. I checked it to find that I missed a video call from Evan. Really? You are video calling me at five in the morning? That is a violation. I lay down and went to sleep with my headphones blaring in my ears, so I missed Frank’s next messages.  By ten in the morning on Monday, I was away and waiting for a virtual doctor’s visit. As a cancer survivor, I have a follow-up every year and this was to discuss my tests results and my medication that deters my cancer from coming back. It was a great call. I’m still cancer-free.

I got out of my night-time pajamas and put on my working pajama’s and after getting a cup of coffee, I sat down at the computer. I have several new messages from the dating site and I’m not sure what to do with them. My advice from Frank the first time we talked, was to stop responding out of kindness. He assures me that they are only interested in some form of sex, not any real relationships. He may be biased. So, what am I to do? I’ll think about it.

I must admit, I’ve not been communicating with Darren the single father. It is time for me to let him know that his situation is a hard pass for me. I wanted to give myself a bit of time to make sure that I really wanted to walk away from him. It is early in the getting to know you phase. I thought I might change my mind because I like kids and they love me, but I just can’t see a future that involves full-time parenting to a small child. I sent him a message explaining my feelings and offering him friendship. 

He responded that his son was in foster care. WTF? Of course, I asked why? Because he was in a coma for a few months after hearing about his wife’s death and they didn’t think he would wake up. Then he says not to worry because his son won’t be a problem. WTF? Why? Do you plan to leave him in the system? That was what I asked him. His answer was, I’ll get him back and send him to a boarding school. I don’t even believe this bullshit, but if on the off chance it’s true, I’m discombobulated by it. My reply to that was I’m done with this conversation. My pajama mood fits this situation. See pajama mood

I’m seriously wondering how I’m going to make it through the next 24 days. I know that it’s a numbers game, the more men that I engage with, the more likely I am to meet Mr. Almost Right.

Most of the evening has been quiet. I received a few more messages. I chose a few to reply to.

Just when I think that JerseyShore has faded into the background, he messages me. Instead of being concerned about getting to know me himself or allowing me to get to know him. He’s concerned about the other men that I’m communicating with. If he is serious about starting a relationship that is mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual, he needs to understand that for a woman, and especially this woman, the physical comes after all the others.

I got a message from Frank at 2 am my time and again. It was sweet, just a hello.