Personal Journal
August 9, 2021
Day 12 – August 9, 2021
I texted Lewis a few times today. He wants to read one of my books. I chose to send him Love Thy Neighbor 3. Of all the books I've written, I think that is the one where I started to find my writing voice.
The most recent ones are better in many ways, but LTN3 is the first book I wrote after my mother died, that I poured my feelings into about her passing. In my mind, it was a sweet romance, and the story was full of lessons about love and relationships.
I hope that he will like it. If he wants to read more of my books, I'll have to warn him about the content or only let him read the books that don't contain hot scenes. I don't want him to see those yet.
Later in the day, he sent me a link to a song dedicated to me, expressing his feelings. He wanted me to know what he was feeling and what his intentions are.
I listened to it, paying attention to the words. It's a beautiful song.
Then my heart dropped. It was time to tell Lewis about my criminal past, the three years I served behind bars in federal prison for wire fraud.
Since I've been home, I've had no problem telling anyone about what I did and how it changed me. I own the choices I’ve made. I’m not perfect and I have done some dumb stuff, but for the first time, I was scared. What would he think of me? Would Lewis walk away from the beginning of what could be something great? Many people don’t give ex-convicts a real second chance. It’s part of the reason that I haven’t gotten involved before now. I typed out most of the details of how I end up in prison.
When I hit the send button, my eyes filled with tears as I waited for his response. I swiped at my cheeks and told myself that I would be fine if he couldn't see past my mistakes, but I didn't believe it. I broke and hand to get tissues. I waited, trying to hold it together. He asked questions many questions. I answered them all honestly, crying the entire time.
He finally told me that he would not judge me for my past mistakes. I believe him, but a part of me wonders if this conversation is the beginning of the end.