October 7, 2021

I’ve recently met a handsome cowboy. Yes, a real live cowboy. He wears wranglers, plaid shirts, and a worn Stetson hat with boots. He is sexy and I’m scared to death to let him into my world.

September 29, 2021

Since my last post, I confronted Lewis, and of course, he tried to convince me that I was mistaken. He also proceeded to say that I must be talking to my friends who are trying to ruin our relationship out of jealousy. I had talked to my friends and both of them More

September 14, 2021

So the last six weeks have been in vain. Lewis is a scammer and while my radar has been buzzing, I ignored it because I wanted to believe that someone wanted to be with me. I’m pissed and I haven’t decided fully what to do with my anger. More

Day 27 – August 25, 2021

The past few days Lewis and I have been a little off the mark. I had a headache and didn’t want to do anything but lay in the dark. Unfortunately, we (My housemates) had a bunch of stuff happening at the house. More

Day 23 – August 21, 2021

I slept very late today, but I woke in a better mood. I have worked on my book today. Last night I had an idea for a new series. They won’t be fictional stories. I’m still working out the details, so I don’t think I’ll discuss them here yet. More

Day 22 – August 20, 2021

I woke up yesterday in a funk. I can’t pinpoint why, but I know that I’m in a mood. I get this way from time to time. I don’t really want to be around anyone. I don’t want to talk. I just want to be alone. It’s an F- the world kind of thing. More

Day 20 - August 18, 2021.

Things are still going well with Lewis. He has been busy with his work, and so have I. We chat when we can throughout the day. He always asks how my book writing is going. I’ve been struggling a little bit with this latest book, partly because I’m thinking of him. More

Day 18 - August 16, 2021.

I’m so full of feelings for Lewis I needed to express it. I haven’t written poetry in forever, but I wrote something today just for him. Then I found a beautiful background and saved it as a picture file to send to him as his good morning message. More

Day 17 - August 15, 2021

Yesterday Lewis was going over contracts for an upcoming job, so we didn’t chat much. I didn’t want to take up too much of his time. I sent him a few texts to check on him, ensuring he ate and got some rest. I’m fortunate that my bestie and I live together. She makes sure that I take breaks to eat at the very least. It seems Lewis I both get so involved in what we are working on that we forget everything else, including self-care. More

Day 16 - August 13, 2021

I didn’t get to talk to Lewis much yesterday. He was busy with work. I should have been too. My characters for this new book aren’t cooperating. So it’s time for me to take a step back. I’ll work on something else or play Sims4 for a couple of days and let my mind rest. When the characters are ready to tell me their story, I’ll be ready to work. More

Day 15 - August 12, 2021

I didn’t write in my journal yesterday because I was busy processing what I am feeling. I felt sick to my stomach most of yesterday. Lewis and I didn’t talk much. I assume that he was busy, but of course, my insecurities are raging. Has he decided that being with me isn’t what he wants and he just doesn’t know how to say it? More

Day 13 - August 10, 2021

I was awake all night. It may just be anxiety about Lewis. After telling him about my criminal history and answering his questions. I believe him when he says that my past is not a problem for him, but that little girl that still thinks she is not enough, that she’s not worthy of his love, is scared to death. More

Day 12 - August 9, 2021

I texted Lewis a few times today. He wants to read one of my books. I chose to send him Love Thy Neighbor 3. Of all the books I've written, I think that is the one where I started to find my writing voice. More

Day 11 – August 8, 2021

I didn’t hear from Lewis most of the day. I sent him a text when I woke and another later in the day. I was a bit unnerved by it at first, but I pushed my concerns aside. My first thought was that he was tired of me already. That I had said or done something the day before that put him off. Then I looked back at our conversation and didn’t see anything that set off alarm bells. More

Day 10 - August 7, 2021

I’m still thinking of Lewis. I didn’t work on my book yesterday. I scrapped all of it and started over. It’s going much better. I wrote more today than I have in the last five days. When I woke I went to the bathroom and handled some business. When I came out, I told my bestie and housemate that I figured out what was wrong with my new story while I was in the bathroom. More

Day 9 – August 6, 2021

Okay, I know you’re not supposed to do this kind of thing, but I couldn’t help myself: I took the photo of Lewis and his puppy and cartooned it, then I took a picture of myself and did the same. I combined the photo to see what we’d look like together. More

Day 8 - August 5, 2021

I have been distracted all day with thoughts of Lewis. I’m still trying to figure out why he’s into me. I know that I have to stop this loop that makes me think that something must be wrong with him to be interested in me. There are many things that I have done, that make me feel unworthy of what I honestly think we could have. It is fear. More

Day 7 – August 4, 2021

I haven’t spoken with Frank and no messages since I sent him pictures that aren’t on the profile. (No nudes) I got the word Nice as a reply. We all know what that means, I’m not his type.” So, bye-bye Frank.  I woke thinking about this being the seventh day of my experiment. I realized that my profile wasn’t a real reflection of who I am. I assume that most of them aren’t. So, I made some changes. More

Day 6 – August 3, 2021

Today has been an interesting one. I got several new messages from the site. I also got a message that left my mouth hanging open. A man that I will call Gary who lives in my state has sent several messages to me. I had not responded other than to say thanks for the compliments he gave. One of his last messages let me know that he saw it in my eyes that I was the one for him. More

Day 5 – August 2, 2021

Frank replied around one am central US time, using the term darling again. (my cheeks are sky high- I might break my face) I was sleeping. Strangely, I was tired before midnight and went to bed early. I woke at three having weird dreams about aliens altering my body. I checked the time on my phone and found his messages. I replied and put my headphones on to listen to music, hoping More

Day 4 – August 1, 2021

Today was quiet because I chose not to check new messages from the site. Honestly, it is because I enjoyed my conversation with Frank so much that didn’t want to talk to anyone else today. I did respond to messages from Darren and Evan, but I did refuse to video chat with Evan when he attempted to connect over the course of the day. More

Day 3 – July 31, 2021

This was an interesting day. Buggy Butt did not bother me most of the day. I later found out he was having trouble with his phone. To my surprise, he did not spend a great deal of time chatting after his phone issues were fixed. 

Of the new messages that I responded to, I connected with three guys. More

Day 2 – July 30, 2021

It was quiet on day two. So quiet that I could here crickets rubbing their legs together to attract new mates. I received a few hello, and you are sexy messages. I thanked them and that was that. Buggy Butt sent several messages and tried calling, but that’s the beauty of having an internet phone number. It goes straight to voicemail unless you connect it to your cell phone number.  More

Day 1 – July 29, 2021

I chose a site with free sign-up, but you have to pay to see messages or be chatting with someone with a paid account. I have set up my profile with four pictures, three of my face with varying hairstyles, one body pictured so that they see all of me. I have answered the profile questions of who I am and what I’m looking for. Most of the questions are multiple-choice. More

July 28, 2021

Okay, something weird is going on in my bedroom. A spirit keeps touching me. First, it tapped me on the shoulder twice in a short span of time. Then on my left thigh. After the first tap on the shoulder, I said aloud, “Stop it. I’m trying to write.” After the second tap on the shoulder, I said “Go away.” More

July 27, 2021

I’m missing my mother a lot today. I decided to talk to her. I told her that I’m tired of being single. I asked her if she had time to find me a good man with a kind heart, a good Christian man who will love me faults and all. Someone I could share the rest of my life with. I thought I heard her giggle. I told her that I thought I was finally ready at 51 to be in a committed long-term relationship. More

Introduction 

In July, I decided to join a dating app for BBWs for a 30-day experiment. You see, I’m a romance writer who at 51, still hopes to find the love of my life. On the surface, I am jaded and don’t think I will ever meet the one, but deep inside I still have that nugget of hope. I’ve decided to share my experiences with the world. Of course, I will not divulge anyone’s real name.

The purpose of this experiment is to see if what I believe about most dating sites and this one, in particular, is true. I think that men and some women use the sites for sex only, whether it is an in-person association or video or phone call encounter. There are companies like e-Harmony and Match.com where people are looking for love and find it. Maybe using these less expensive options is the problem with finding love.

Over the next 30 days, I will document my encounters on the BBW dating site and share my success or failure with you. Who knows, I may actually meet/find my Mr. Right.